Things I'll Never Say
by vashluver1
Summary: SONGFIC Based on Avril Lavigne’s “Things I’ll never Say”. Meryl’s POV. VM pairing. with a little WM. Our favorite Trigun characters are bored around the campfire and Meryl is the only source of entertainment. no! not like that! bunch of perves!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or any of its characters, sadly. I also don't own Avril Lavigne's song, Things I'll never Say. **

**This is a songfic based on Avril Lavigne's "Things I'll never Say". This is in Meryl's POV. It's a VM pairing. This fic takes place after episode 19. Our favorite Trigun characters are bored around the campfire and Meryl is the only source of entertainment. (No! Not like that! Bunch of perves!!!)**

* * *

**Things I'll Never Say**

"I'm bored!!!"

"Vash! I think you've already justified that about a thousand times!!! Don't you have anything else to say? If you're so bored, think of something to do. Why don't you entertain yourself?" said a very irritated Meryl.

"Listen to her, Tongari! You've been saying that every five minutes already!" Wolfwood was getting pretty pissed.

Vash had decided to set up camp when the sun set over the horizon. He wasn't tired at all and neither was the rest of the group. They had nothing to do but stare at the fire or sleep. No one was able to sleep. Everyone had something to think about that was keeping them from rest.

"I'm bored!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Meryl screamed at the top of her lungs. "SHUT UP, VASH!!!!!"

"Sempai, calm down! He didn't mean it. He's going to be quiet now, aren't you, Mr. Vash?" said Millie, a sweet innocent girl that knew how to make the toughest guy smile. Meryl instantly was instantly calm. "I know what we can do! Sempai? Did you bring your guitar?"

"Of course! I don't go anywhere without it! Why do you as- wait! No! Nonononononono! I'm not singing anything! Those songs are very personal! There is no way!" Millie put on her puppy dogface. No one, not even Meryl, could resist the puppy dogface. "Fine. I'll sing something," Meryl relented.

"Yay! Thank you, Sempai! Sing one of your knew songs, please!" said Millie, enthusiastically.

"You write music, short girl?" asked Wolfwood, bewildered.

"Yes," Meryl said meekly.

"Oh, yes! She's wonderful at it! Sempai has written so many! I haven't even heard them all! She's just modest!" exclaimed Millie.

"I didn't know you could sing, short girl," said Vash. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I guess it slipped my mind. I'm not really that gre-"

"Of course you are, Sempai. You're just modest!" said Millie. "Here's your guitar! Start playing!"

"Oh, fine! I wrote this one just recently. I hope you like it." She looked at Vash for a second then started playing.

_I'm tugging at my hair  
I'm pulling at my clothes  
I'm trying to keep my cool  
I know it shows  
I'm staring at my feet  
My checks are turning red  
I'm searching for the words inside my head_

_I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah_

_  
If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

_It don't do me any good  
It's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you  
What's on my mind  
If it ain't coming out  
We're not going anywhere  
So why can't I just tell you that I care_

_(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah_

_If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

_What's wrong with my tongue  
These words keep slipping away  
I stutter, I stumble  
Like I've got nothing to say_

_(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah_

_Yes I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say  
If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you...away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say  
These things I'll never say_

Everyone started applauding when Meryl finished singing. "You lied!" said Vash.

"When did I lie?" asked Meryl defensively.

"You said that you weren't any good! You're great! I can't believe you wrote that!" Vash was totally amazed.

"So, Meryl," started Wolfwood. The use of her first name made Meryl a little suspicious.

"Yes, Wolfwood?" she answered.

"Who did you write that song for?" he asked.

She knew this question was going to come up soon. "Come off it, Wolfwood. I told you that they were personal. The answer to that very personal question is my secret! I'm not telling!" She put her thumbs in her ears and stuck her tongue out.

Wolfwood raised his eyebrow at her. "Is it anybody I know?" he asked. Vash leaned forward at that question. "I mean, 'cause if it wasn't, you would have told us because we wouldn't know him."

"Who are you suggesting, Mr. Priest man?" Meryl asked giving him the evil eye.

"Oh, I don't know. A certain outlaw, maybe?" There was a mischievous glint in his eye.

She blushed a brilliant shade of red before exploding. "WHAT!!!??? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY IMPLYING THAT I WOULD LIKE VASH?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD?! WHAT KIND OF CHURCHMAN ARE YOU ANYWAY?!"

Vash looked down in shame. 'Is there something wrong with me? Does she really hate me that much?' He got up and walked away.

Meryl followed him with her guilty eyes. 'If only he knew. I would feel so much better if he knew.'

"Maybe you should tell him now, Sempai. I think that's what he needs right now," said Millie, calmly.

Meryl only nodded and walked off in the same direction Vash did.

"What? Tell him what? Honey, I'm lost! Don't keep this from me! Tell me!" Wolfwood begged. Millie just whispered in his ear and he said, "Oh. I knew it!"

Meryl found Vash sitting on an outcropping far from the fire. His shoulders were shaking and it took her a while to find out he was silently crying. "Vash..." He stiffened up but didn't turn around.

"I thought no one in their right mind would like me, let alone want to be near me. What are you doing here?" he asked coldly.

"I'm so sorry, Vash. I didn't know it would do this to you." She walked up and sat down next to him. He didn't even look her way. "I'm really sorry, Vash. Honestly, I am."

"Did you mean it?" he asked, a little softly this time.

"Mean what?" Her heart was beating 100 miles per hour.

"That you could never like me."

"Oh, Vash. I don't know how to say this." She sighed.

"Oh, ok. I understand." He started to get up but she grabbed his arm and pulled him down again. He looked at her surprised.

"No, Vash. That's not what I meant. Vash. I'm wearing a mask."

"Huh?"

"No! That's not what I meant either. I'm wearing a mask to hide my feelings, not my face."

"Oh."

"Vash, this whole thing is a façade. I'm not usually as cruel as I make out to be. It's a tough world out here, Vash. I can't be myself out here."

"Who are you then?" he whispered. "If this isn't you," he touched her cheek. "Then what is?"

She blushed at his touch. "Someone who actually has feelings," she whispered.

"Who was that song really for?" he asked.

There was an awkward silence. "You."

He smiled softly. "Really?"

"Yes."

"You could have told me. I wouldn't have made fun of you."

"But, Wolfwood would have."

"Oh well. Do you really care about what he thinks?"

"No. But I was afraid you would've joined him and I care about what you think."

"Aw! I'm touched!" he said sarcastically.

"No. I'm serious!" she said smiling.

He instantly went serious. "Does this mean what I think it means?"

"Um... yes." She looked down but he lifted her chin up. "Va-"He cut her off with a gentle kiss.

When he pulled back, he grinned at her reaction. "You were saying?"

She had a dazed look on her face. "Uh... 16?" He laughed.

"Meryl, I love you." He laughed again at her expression.

"What?"

"I love you." He was serious now.

"You... you do?" She was beaming now.

"Yes, Meryl. I do."

"I love you, too!" He captured her lips for another kiss. This one was longer and deeper. They both pulled away for to breathe. "So, how are we going to get down?" Meryl asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I hate heights. It took all of my courage to get up here and I don't think I could get down. It also took all of my courage to confront you."

"I could give you a piggy back ride," he broached.

"Uh, Vash? Let me rephrase. I don't like heights. If you've noticed, you're really ta-"He just picked her up and placed her on his back. She clutched his neck, looked down, and yelped. "Vash, I really don't like heights."

"What? You don't trust me?"

"I'm not really good at trusting people," she stated.

"Well, I guess you're just going to have to try."

* * *

Two months later, Vash walked home from his battle with Knives slung over his shoulder. He saw Meryl and Millie standing by the fountain of water spouting out of the well. The girls saw him and ran to where he was standing. Meryl fussed over his wounds and Millie took Knives and threw him over her shoulder. "Well, I think you two have some catching up to do," Millie said indicating Vash and Meryl. Vash looked at Millie in thanks and she walked off with Knives.

"Meryl, there was something I needed to ask you." He got on one knee in the sand. Meryl gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth. "Meryl? Remember when you sang that song to us when we were bored?" She nodded. "You said that song was for me. The song said, 'If I could say what I want to see, I want to see you go down on one knee. Marry me today.' Meryl? I'm going to do what you said you wanted to see. Meryl? Will you marry me?" He held out a ring studded with amethyst surrounded by two diamonds. The amethyst was in the shape of a heart. (A picture can be found on http:www. Fayesdiamondmine .com/Gallery/ colorstonegallery.html Take out the spaces. The picture is on the second to last row. It's the ring with the Purple Heart, obviously. I just thought you might want a visual. Sorry for the interruption.)

"Oh, my God! Of course I will! You didn't have to bribe me with that ring. Holy crap! Where did you get it?" Meryl was grinning from ear to ear. She pulled him off the ground and threw her arms around him planting a forceful kiss. Vash slid his arms around her waist and kissed her back. He pulled away, grabbed her hand and slipped the ring on her finger.

* * *

**1 month later**

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Vash picked her up and swung her around then he kissed her.

"Va-sh," she groaned. "I'm afraid of heights, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" He put his hands under her knees and on her back and carried her bridal style. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," she whispered. Everyone awed and he walked back down the isle carrying her.

"The end," meowed Kuroneko-sama.

"Huh?" everyone looked at the black cat oddly. "Whatever."

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**I need reviews! No flames, please. I hope you liked it! I hope it was good!**


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